In January the topic of conversation was "what is your theme or words for the year" ... mine was "self-care". To me [at the time] this meant taking better care of my body & some soul/spirit & mind care. Really what this meant was regular massage and chiro ... exercising & yoga ... Intuitive Energy Massage and Best treatments. Little did I know what "self-care" was really about for me.
Its funny how we choose things [like self-care] and think "ah ha ... this is how its going to be" and its nothing of the sort. That's kinda how my self-care has gone. I was all set after the holidays to start this new regime ... Well the universe had other plans for me ... starting with the flu!
Rest ... sleep ... taking it easy ... this doesn't sound like self-care ... does it? So since January this is what I have been banging up against. Every time I started to feel better and would try to ramp my life & business back up ... bam back in bed! And then there is my shoulder! Seems I have become a statistic ... female between the ages of 45-55 ... rotator cuff and impingement syndrome - very painful, hard to move, harder still to sleep on. So self-care became about healing shoulder too. Deep sigh.
So when I finally went skiing in March I was feeling back on track ... I was doing my shoulder exercises, yoga and sleeping well ... And then I went cross-country skiing. Long story short, I fell 5 times. I wish someone had filmed it. It would of been spectacular ... body rolling, skis & poles flailing down a small hill. I landed on my right shoulder and jammed my sternum to the left. I landed on my left bum cheek and jammed my right hip out. And I guess I hit my head too, cause the chiro said I had whiplash; though ironically my neck didn't hurt.
So my point in all this is that here I am mid-May and I really feel like I haven't started my "self-care" and yet thats all I've been doing! It just looked a little different. And then the other day when I had a crazy thought ...
"what if I went to bed early?"
"what if I went to bed early, got enough sleep so that I would wake up rested?"
"what if I went to be early, got enough sleep, woke up rested and had time in the morning to do stuff?"
"what if by doing all this I wasn't rushed in the morning and I made it to my clients early instead of right on time?"
"what if I did all of this instead of staying up late on facebook or netflix?"
"what if I put myself and my health first?"
So now I meditate almost every day; and I go to bed early almost every day; and I have more time in my day; and I get things done; and I don't feel rushed; and it finally feels like I'm taking care of myself. Who knew it could be this simple!
In mid-March I got sick; again. I cancelled most of my clients that week as I slept. The first day I slept for 13+ hours and spent the whole day in bed. The rest of the week was pretty much the same. I had hit the wall; again. I was determined this year not to have that happen; again. And yet it had. What was wrong with me? I love what I do. I love working with my clients. I love making a difference in peoples lives. Why was I exhausted?
So while I lay in bed that first day I surfed Facebook in between sleeping. A post kept showing up on my feed about some guy named Kyle Cease. So I watched it. And then I spent $20 to watch his 2 day Evolving Out Loud "Interactive Limitation Game", which ended up taking me over a week, but changed my life. You might think that's an exaggeration, but its not.
Its not like what he was saying was anything new. It was how he said it that resonated with me ... how most of us tend to live in our minds, which are fear based; when we really need to connect with our hearts, which are love based. He suggests meditating and getting in touch with your heart.
I've tried meditating before and I can't. I'm not good at counting my breath or just paying attention to it. I have a hard time pushing those thoughts away and sitting in silence. Its just not my thing ... though I had often thought that it might be good for me. But I tried it - his way. Sit comfortably and allow your brain to do its thing. Holy shit did my brain have a lot to say ... actually it has a lot to say a lot of the time. But what I noticed was that eventually it did quiet down and then I could be in my heart and in my body. And the weird thing was I liked this. And so I did it again and again ... 10 mins, 15 mins, 20 mins and even 30 mins!
What I found was that the more I meditated, the better I felt. I found I was more grounded. I felt happier and centred and stuff didn't seem to bother me as much. My relationship with my daughter has completely changed. Not to say we don't still go into our mother-daughter roles; but rather I am different/softer with her and in turn she is with me. Thats very cool! So here we are the beginning of May and I meditate almost every day for a least 30 mins or longer if possible. It is now a part of my self-care regime and honestly I love it!!
This blog has been started because of all the insights and ideas that are coming up because of doing this one thing. I can't wait to see what my life brings next!!
I have a lot of titles: single mum, solo-preneur, medical exercise specialist, intuitive energy massage practitioner ... yet who I am is someone on a path to discovering herself & life at 50! Its exciting & kinda scary to be here ... saying YES to love, magic, creativity & the unknown!